Tar Heel Walk 2009

  

Arguably the world's best set of boobs.

Recently, it occurred to me that everyone talks about the fight against breast cancer. We all know how vital it is to raise awareness about breast cancer and our continuing fight to find a cure. But no one really ever stops to talk about cancer itself. 

Maybe it’s because “cancer” is such a charged word. We want to ignore it – to gloss over it. Paint it up in pink and make it more appealing. I think it’s time someone stepped up to the plate and talked about the real issue here. We’re fighting cancer, but what is cancer fighting?

Our boobs. 

That’s right, cancer is out there right now waging a war against the world’s boobs. Against everything we hold to be so indicative of femininity. Let’s face it, big or small – boobs are totally awesome. And I’m here to tell you why.

Let’s stop for a second and think about what the world would be like if breast cancer won. A world without boobs, if you will. The very thought makes me shudder. But why are boobs so totally awesome, and so necessary to the continued survival of our human race?

If you’re a guy, you don’t need to read further. In fact, you’re probably not even reading this right now. You’re probably still staring at that picture. You don’t need any more justification for why boobs are great. But I’m going to tell you anyway.

Let’s get the boring stuff out of the way. First, boobs are totally functional and yes, they do serve a purpose. Boobs help to distinguish women from men (okay – this is not always the case – see man boobs or Pat). They also help to feed our hungry children (don’t cringe, you used to do it, too). Am I the only one that is constantly amazed our boobs can do this? 

Besides that, they totally put the “fun” in functional. What else can fill up our sweaters, drive men bonkers, and cause other women to gasp in admiration? What other body part is so fun to point out, stare at, or make crude jokes about? What would become first base for our exploratory youngsters if boobs were taken out of the equation? 

What would Dave Chapelle have done for his great New York boobs skit if breast cancer won? Better yet, what would Paula have covered during her appeal to Dave Chapelle to come back? 

So in our fight against breast cancer, let’s not forget what we’re really fighting for.

BOOBIES!