Tar Heel Walk 2009

Spending most of my weekend behind closed doors has given me a lot of time to think. And by think, I mean plot. Plot about the local businesses I’ll be visiting once I conquer and destroy whatever bug has chosen to invade my body. Plot about the flyers that will soon grace the towns of Chapel Hill and Carrboro. And plot about more awesome entertainment for this year’s BreastFest.

I do have one really cool announcement that I’ll save for another post – meaning, a slightly less ridiculous one. But those of you who have been following this blog for a while know I’m of the opinion that if you can’t have a little fun in the face of fear, then what is the point of doing anything at all? Some wonder why I featured comedy as part of the entertainment at last year’s event – and while this year has a super cool (non-comedic) guest, I am still of the opinion that laughter is (usually) the best medicine.

At any rate, spending most of my weekend at rest (or as I like to call it, lying in wait), has given me a chance to think about some more awesome ways that we could fight cancer. I mean, I’m seriously wondering why no one has ever thought of these before. 

Proposal 1:

Roy Williams

I mean, do I really need to say anything? If we had this man on our team, cancer wouldn’t stand a chance. I am pretty confident that Williams could orchestrate a fight against cancer so brutal it would be matched only in its epic proportions by our latest national championship. 

Proposal 2:

Gayle Sweeny

What other woman can go from eating cocaine for breakfast to setting such a shining example for our children? On the back of Sweeny’s sturdy wings, we could use both our “little” and “big” powers to fight cancer. Then we could find creative uses for hot dog buns.

Proposal 3:

Mrs. Ganush

Would you want to run into this woman in a dark parking garage? What about the back seat of your car? Clearly, it’s been a while since Mrs. Ganush has been to the dentist. Just one look at her, and cancer would wither in its tracks. And so would everyone else. She’s kind of like Medusa, really, now that I think about it. But, you know, she could definitely drag cancer to Hell.

Given that there is no current cure for cancer, these are the best possible solutions I could come up with so far. I’m totally open to input and suggestions. Or, you could keep spreading the word so that scientists and researchers can get the funding they need to continue the search.

And I’ll keep on thinking.